Pensive mood

A wave of pensive mood flood into the mind and flow away quickly.
1 month to go and I will end my life of Augustana. As if, I have done many things.


2 days ago called Mum and have a long chat. I am always sensitive to words. End up, mum cried and I am angry.

It is never too late to find yourself. Who to define "you", its really yourself ultimately.

Just came home (dorm room) after the drink and sing in a pub.

Kristin asked me a question, "Why you don't yourself as a happy person?"" You are happy!"

I said," I am not, I am like a clown. A happy face with sorrow and pensive mood inside."

She asked,"Why?"

I said, " I don't know."

She said," There must be something due to your early life experience."

I though for a while, I really think its something inborn, inherited, something genetic.

I rarely face this side of myself. One good way is to occupy oneself with something or some people, " you sleep, you wake up, its another day"

______________


Spontaneous childhood feelings:

there are various shots in my mind right now:
when I was small, I collect leaves from parks and put them in my draw as a collection to make book mark.

I have sever stomachache after eating lost of pasta and feeling like dieing. Feel so good that I can skip a test the day after.

I cried after my mother said that we are going to move back to Canada somedays. However, till now they have not moved here and I am the only one who is here.

The time I start to feel that I have less friends around me is...... after form 2 when we have learnt how to use the computer.

I talked with gabirel chiu on phone for 6 hours when I am primary six. It is the longest talk ever which I don't really know what we have talked.

I remember once been to Yiu Chee Kee's birthday and told his mum the sushi she is making does not taste good. As a kid, its definitely impolite.

Grandma sewing a cat dolll by hand. I still clearly remember the time she sew the eye of the cat onto the head of the cat.

Still remember the when the old airport is nearby Kowloon City, I can see lots of plan everyday. The bottom of the plane is so close to my head. I had imagined the flight will land on my house.



When life goes too fast, people and incident besides me can just break me down for a bit and I lost myself for a while. After some days, suddenly, found a missing piece and remind me the rest of the pieces......like a puzzle.


Miss home? Yes, I miss my home when I am around 8 years old.=]

_____________


I am an extreme follower in the early part of my life. Now, I follow my feeling more and more and more.


_____________


There are many things in life that is so magical. Why this why that? " why" sometimes is not important. After I asked why I need to step onto this moment and think "and then what?"





Zz....